Blag On

There's a foible, a part of life here. I call it the Bounce. Don't consider this comment as badmouthing Irish culture, but it's an important part of the Story of Miles, the Ireland chapter.

In Ireland, whenever you need something done that will involve dealing with a government bureaucrat on the lower tiers, or you need a special request from office workers, or you're calling an information line, or basically doing anything that requires dealing with someone who does not know you and yet must be convinced to work for you, you will encounter the Bounce.

The problem is that people in Ireland are extremely averse to doing anything for people they don't know directly (though they'll lay down in traffic for you once you're both acquainted). So in a bureaucratic situation, it means an endless uphill battle to get anything done: if you ask the bureaucrat to do such-and-such, he will come right back, in a bored and slightly annoyed tone, that you're at the wrong department and you need to speak to someone else. Bounced.

Now, if you follow on the same path, the clerk to whom you've been sent will just send you back to the first clerk. You can do it forever and never get anywhere.

The worst is the encounter with a person who has taken a liking to the marginal sliver of power he holds over others, and so does his job solely on the basis of whether he feels like it or not. He's your classic Gatekeeper, and though thankfully he's rare, he will show up in the worst places, guaranteed.

Usually, when someone says "No" in Ireland, it really means "Butter me up a bit." This could be done as simply as chatting with them for five minutes. It's called "blagging" your way in, implying that you're trying to charm someone, possibly lying to do so. You usually try to "blag" your way into a club or exclusive area, and if you're good, it can get you in nearly anywhere. It will have no effect on the Gatekeeper, however - nothing will move him. He delights in your misery, and he will never, ever help you, so you must give up entirely, or find your way around him. You can either go up the chain of command (risky, as the boss is more likely to side with his or her employee), or wait until they change shifts and hope you get a different person, one who is more willing to help.

I've encountered the Bounce almost every step of the way, and though it gets tiresome, I'm getting better and better at avoiding it, or dealing with it successfully. This past year, if I can extrapolate again, has been just as much about learning how to live as it has been living itself. It's a valuable tool, learning how to twist people's arms. I'm not a big charmer yet, but with more practice I'll be so slippery that I might as well have bathed in Crisco.